The theory of Perception
by JadePhoenix.393
Summary: Fay's thoughts on his perceptive skills as he deals with something he never really had expected. Kurogane/Fay; AR; Reflections.


Dedicated to my lovely sister, MannC, for her seventeenth birthday.

**Happy Birthday, hon!** May you have the loveliest coming year.

**Series :** Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles  
**Title :** The theory of Perception  
**Genre :** Reflective / Drama  
**Pairing :** Kurogane / Fay  
**Word Count :** 2030  
**Warnings :** May contain a bit of spoilers if you have not read till the current chapters. And un-beta-ed. So all mistakes are solely mine.  
**Disclaimer :** TRC belongs to CLAMP in its entirety.  
**Notes :** Alternate Reality. Some of the facts might not be entirely correct. I was in a hurry to write this out and thus, did not bother to cross check them.

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He had always prided on his sharp observation powers and deep insight. Back in the castle's majestic halls, he knew every crook and bend of the whole place. The huge old leather bound ones, or the nifty little paperbacks-- there had hardly been any book in the castle library which he did not know by heart. Even the ones of healing magic; he knew he could not put them to use but there was always something to be learned from a different perspective. The blooming of the flowers in the nurmerous gardens, the changes in the weather throughout the year, the cleaning times, the dishes which were served for the royals, even the archaic paintings hanging all around the walls were known to him. But these abilities were not confined to just these particular fields, it extended well enough to the people of the palace. He was acquainted with almost everybody who had ever visited the palace from the time he had been there. However busy he may be, he always managed to squeeze in a bit of time to meet a new individual. People and their characters used to fascinate his perceptive skills, and he pounced any chance he got to sharpen them. He had gotten so confident of his knowledge in these matters that he set to create a soulless living being, who had the best combination of human abilities ingrained in her. She had been initially modeled after his brother, but he had not been able to muster up the courage to actually make her a boy. So the similarities remained vague in their presence, but showed up whenever there was a need for her to get more realistic than what she truly was.

If there ever had been anyone who confounded him with his genius, it had to be his lord, his king. Being the strategy-planner of the court and the leading magician of the forces, he had presumed that he would be able to understand his king and his intentions, but the shock he had suffered when faced with the truth was more than enough for him to realise his follies. He had overestimated his skills to the level that he had been nearly blind to such massacre, carried out by his king. He was not able to see the king's strategy behind the events. He was not able to figure out the meaning of the intricate tattoo on his back. He was not able to understand the implication these times would have on his life from then on. It was the first time he had experienced such unbound confusion that it threw his whole world out of balance. Everything suddenly seemed to come to an end and he was blindly roaming around in the dark corridors of his mind searching for a solution, some solution, anything which could bring back some order to the unexpected turn of events. Even now, he wanted it to proceed the way he had thought it out. It should not have been like this; there was no way he was accepting such an beginning to the ending. As he, in an effort to still make a difference to the path decided, put his king to a magical slumber and chose to find his own way by travelling through worlds, he was pretty sure that he will make it to be so that he will never have to face such a perplexing situation again. He will do anything to ensure that the plans move smoothly the way he wanted them to; nobody was getting an upperhand on him again.

And then he met them. Two children, one of whom exuded royalty, and the other, with eyes having an unparalleled strength, and a weird and very much over-confident man, whose honestly reflected in his body language. With the intervention of the dimension witch, he now knew that he had to make his travels with them and at that time, he considered it will be a good pastime to observe them. Also, there were many such waves around the girl which made her look very useful in what he had set out to accomplish. He thought it to be a very good idea if he followed them around; he was supposed to be with them when they jumped worlds anyway. It was all just for the sake of his dreams. Or so he had then thought.

Before long, they started facing the dangers that were inevitable in their journey. It was very obvious that the kid will stick for his princess through thick and thin, and it was true the other way too; the princess placed much more trust in him than one would in a stranger. Yet, the most interesting personality was displayed by the man whom he had previously thought of being a stuck-up, blood-lusting ninja. Though initially, he seemed quite one-tracked in his approach and methods, soon he started showing the discernment of a ninja in his ways. Though the mage hardly had any idea about the life and styles of a pure-bred ninja, he was pretty much sure that that man was a living example of a classic committed one. It always managed to bring an amusing smile to his face watching the loyalty and candour amongst his three companions, ideals which did not hold any more meaning for him. Only sometimes, the smile turned to a sad one. Of course, unknown to the others. They were neither important nor close enough to know what guilt he carried with him all the time. Some things were best left unsaid.

Gradually, the group came closer, the sufferings were gettting bigger, but he still could not trust them completely. Unexpected situations, unknown people, despair, death-- it was all happening. Yet, he waited for his plan to set into action. It was not that he did not care, no, somewhere along their travels, he had developed a liking for his fellow-travellers, but they did not have any role in his plans as long as they behaved their usual way. It was for the best to keep them out of what was going to happen. He soon realised that the princess had precognition abilities, and that she had come to know what was in store for them, and for him especially. She did not stop him, and he knew she would not make any such attempt either when that future came. He once again focussed on what he was going to do. What he had set out to do to let go of that guilt that was weighing him down more and more as the time passed. What he had to do.

As he set his foot back to the land he had, in confusion, run away from, all he could do to stop the terrrible memories from surfacing was to close his fists so tight that they almost bled. He knew this was the moment he had been waiting for all this time. The moment which will grant the wish he had since he was just a small, lost child Ashura had picked up off the streets. Moving into the long-neglected castle, he could not help feel a pang of nostalgia thinking about the years he had spent here as an eager child who tried to gather every single thing, irrespective of their make, look or use, and learnt so much that he could not even be bothered to think about something for more than a minute. This was the place where he had first gloated over his awesome abilities, and this was the same place where all his ego and dignity had come crashing down on him. It still hurt the same way it had hurt that awful day, but now he felt himself to be a more down-to-earth person. Someone who knew he had to plan, and put every effort in making it suceed, rather than his former way of off-handedly dealing with things, most which he usually considered below his level. He believed himself to be much more level-headed now, and was sure that this time, there was no way he was going to fail. He will have his wish fulfilled, not caring for anything that might happen to anyone around him.

What followed their arrival at the castle shocked him to the core once again. It could not be called trauma because somewhere inside him, he had always known the truth; he had simply not wanted to admit to it. But now, there was no turning back, he had to face the harsh reality head-on, had to accept that he was quite a secondary character to the masterplan. His consciousness was not allowing him to accept the defeat. There had to be some way out. Some way by which he could escape all this again. That was the only thing he could think about. And this was the first time, after being separated from his brother, did he feel the wave of loneliness sweep over him. He had been a fool, not taking into account that others might be aware of the future as well, and they might try to butt in regardless of all his preparations to date. He had been, once again, just a self-inflated egoist who was a sore loser. The most depressing thing was that he could not even bring in himself to succumb to the flow of time, his spirit still wanting to have another go. He wanted something... anything he could hold on to. Because for the first time in his life, he wanted to have something that was his own. Something that could reprimand his ego, tell him that he had been wrong. Someone that would hold him close and let him cry out his childishness. He could not remember when it changed from something to someone, but a bit of content filled his heart that finally, he was able to be truthful to himself about himself. It was a feeling he could not remember having, and the guilt on his heart began vanishing.

Suddenly, he found himself being hauled up and taken care by someone. By the feeling of the calloused hands, he could very well tell that it was the man whom he had once underestimated about his character. Now, lying in his arms, a warm feeling tingled through his body and he went to a sweet sleep without even opening his eyes to look at his saviour's face. He knew he did not need to indulge in analysing the situation anymore, going with the flow felt much more satisfactory right now.

Even now, when the nightmare was over and they were all safely back at the palace in the ninja's home country, he could not help think back to when he had been so arrogant about his perceptive skills. Though a lot had happened after that and much had changed in his beliefs and relationships, he still could not let go of a bit of that pride. So he had failed more than once, but that did not mean that the problem lied in his skills. He had just taken it all more lightly than he should have. The solution was correcting the way he sized up situations and not his analysis. That should be it and it could not be so difficult dealing with this.

But when that man, the one who had saved him-- from his future and himself-- bent down and captured his lips in a sweet tender kiss, he could not keep back a gasp of astonishment. And when the delicious lips move closer to his ear and whispered something softly, all his theories came crashing down to void. Spontaneity took over his mind as he pulled the man closer and embraced him tightly.

True enough, there was no need for fabricated worlds in his life. He could have all his wishes if he just tried to live in the present. A beautiful present with the man whose grounded feet made him aware of his airs, and that the sky looked much more lovely than the ground.

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Hope you like it, sis! :-) You really disturbed me a whole lot while I was typing this out, y'know. Next time, I'm so not gonna be signed in when I write anything. xD

But really, I hope this was okay. It has been really quite long I wrote out a story, and the flow kept breaking for me. Thankfully, I was able to complete it before 12 am, lol.

Concrit is welcome!


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